Breaking the Habit
by Astaldotholwen
Summary: [ One Shot ] Sora finds himself facing the ultimate battle of his time. Will he succeed? Or will he find that some things are truly not as they seem?


Title: Breaking the Habit

Written By: Astaldothôlwen

Point Of View: Sora

Disclaimer: If I said I owed Kingdom Hearts can you even imagine how many scary looking lawyers would be on my arse? You can? Good! That's why I'm afraid to claim to own anything, (sniffles) they're scary! I don't own these lyrics either! They belong to the band Linkin Park =)

* * *

_Memories consume,  
Like opening the wound,  
I'm picking me apart again,  
You all assume,  
I'm safer in my room,  
Unless I try to start again_,

I've been here for a long time. How long you ask? To be honest; I myself don't know. There isn't much to know here. The strong live and the weak die off. That's how I lived for so long; because I am stronger than those who fell behind; never to be seen again.

It's mind numbing; the Darkness, that is. You see, in a sense, it watches you, it's always there. I'm always being watched, it is _always_ watching me. I'm never alone. Never. The Darkness is almost a physical being, metaphorically speaking. It consumes those who enter its realm. Those who ever are forced here do not return to the Light. The Light is forever darkening.

_I don't want to be the one,  
Who battles always choose,  
'Cause inside I realize,  
That I'm the one confused_,

Everywhere I walk, the feeling of being watched is there; haunting my every step. I turn around, yet there is nothing there. There is never anything there. The feeling of paranoia hasn't set in yet, I just take precautions. They were rescued, Goofy and Donald that is. They have returned to the Light while my soul sits here rotting, waiting for the claws of the Heartless to dig their greedy hands within my chest.

I wait every day to feel their cold hands ripping and trashing at my flesh taking the jewel they seek; my Heart. That is why I look towards precautions, if that were to happen, I'd never see her.

_I don't know what's worth fighting for,  
Or why I have to scream,  
I don't know why I instigate,  
And say what I don't mean,  
I don't know how I got this way,  
I know it's not alright,  
So I'm breaking the habit,  
I'm breaking the habit tonight_,

It's frustrating, you know? Every single day, or what I presume is day in this hell hole of Darkness, fighting for things I can't grasp, things I'll never have the chance of having. I fight everyday just to save my skin. If I didn't fight those monsters off, I'd die. I fight to live. That is my life. Pretty pathetic, eh? I think so, too. I lust to see the Light of day. I wish to sit in the sands of Destiny Island once more, listening to the lulling cry of the seagulls. Life would be so much sweeter if I could taste the salts of the wind and the taste of her lips.

I miss her more than anything, but lately she hasn't been my top priority. Originally when I saw her float off into the skies, sailing for blue skies and a land of palm trees, she was the one I fought for. I vowed to myself that I would never lose. I didn't want to disappoint _her_. Now, as time passes slowly, I fight for myself. I fight for my heart and all that I have accumulated; which isn't much. I have my heart, my Keyblade and the tiny light within my heart which is glimmering, even if it is like a candle in the steadily blowing wind.

_Cultured my cure,  
I tightly lock the door,  
I try to catch my breath again,  
I hurt much more,  
Than anytime before,  
I have no options left again_,

Every single day I fight for everything, for everyone. What can I do? What is there to do? My life is an empty void that the Fates have created for me. I long to know what my true Destiny is; I thought being the bearer of the Key was my Destiny. But here I am, fighting each and every day for a goal that I haven't even figured out yet.

'_Is my goal to live? To see the Light? To see her?' _

I muse like this quite often, when the Heartless are quiet and my thoughts are complicated. These are the rare times when I feel like I am getting somewhere, even if it is slowly.

These are the rare moments where I feel I might actually live to see the world where I used to live.

Although these rare moments are always short-lived; I could hear the shrill piercing cries of the Heartless creeping behind me. To the untrained ear, these noises would go unnoticed. But I've learned.

_I don't want to be the one,  
Who battles always choose,  
'Cause inside I realize,  
That I'm the one confused_,

Twirling my body around, my blade met flesh and the ear-piercing screams stopped dead. Literally. Sighing to myself, I walked onward, not caring that the Heartless I just murdered was giving off a stench which would attract other Heartless in a mere instant. I walked onward, my surroundings were black.

Everything was black.

I could hear the Heartless grouping around me, their bodies swaying left to right, right to left, eying my heart hungrily. Walking forward, if I paid them no notice, they would eventually leave, I've learned this. However, this time they followed me. Sensing something to my right, I saw something. Heartless?

They were surrounding me.

No, I was surrounded.

Before I could even think to summon my blade to my hands, the Heartless attacked me. They felt stronger and much more intelligent. Out of no where, I felt it. The coldness I have feared for so long. There it was scratching and ripping at my chest, as other Heartless clawed and tore my body to ribbons. This was it. I knew my fate. Stumbling to my knee's I felt crimson liquid pouring from my wounds, leaving a pond of red from under my body.

My eyes began to feel heavy, my mind turning into a blur. The Heartless' screams began to drown out of my hearing, as I watched it being taken. My heart.

_I don't know what's worth fighting for,  
Or why I have to scream,  
I don't know why I instigate,  
And say what I don't mean,  
I don't know how I got this way,  
I'll never be alright,  
So, I'm breaking the habit,  
I'm breaking the habit tonight_,

I could hear my name. It was faint, but it was being called.

"Sora, Sora wake up!"

There it was again. That voice, I know that voice! But where is it coming from? Is it close? Will it save me? Is it here to return my heart? Or am I truly dead?

"Sora! Open your eyes!" There it was again.

Slowly opening my eyes, I saw a red headed girl standing in front of me, her eyes filled with concern and fear.

_I'll paint it on the walls,  
'Cause I'm the one that falls,  
I'll never fight again,  
And this is how it ends_,

"Oh Sora! I'm happy you're awake! You were having the worst nightmare, I could hear your pleas, and your brow is drenched in sweat! Oh, you poor dear!" She brought me into a hug, soothing herself more than I, it felt like.

So it had been all a dream, a wretched, wretched dream. Sighing to myself, I wrapped my arms tightly around her, whispering consoling words to settle her down. Ever since I've returned from Kingdom Hearts four years ago, every now and then I've had the same dream, and every time it has felt so real.

Kairi rushed off, scurrying away at the sound of a gentle knock on the door. I loved her more than life itself. We've been together since I've returned, my every waking day has been happy.

Lifting the covers to my bed and night-time clothing, I fingered the white scar which crossed around my chest, starting from my heart to my lower back.

I've never told her that my dream was once a reality – it'd scare her too much.

_I don't know what's worth fighting for,  
Or why I have to scream,  
But now I have some clarity,  
to show you what I mean,  
I don't know how I got this way,  
I'll never be alright,  
So, I'm breaking the habit,  
I'm breaking the habit,  
I'm breaking the habit tonight_.

* * *

Authors Notes:

Man that was so short! Thanks to my friend Brody, I thought of this ending. I thought about killing off Sora from the Heartless battle, making it real bloody and gross, I'm in a very sour mood for some reason, but I'm also really happy too, because I thought of Sora finding the Door to the Secret Place, seeing Kairi in there crying over him or something and then having him scooping her up in his arms. But then! Brody being the smart lad he is said 'why don't you make the Kingdom Hearts portion a dream sequence and both kill him off and have him find Kairi?' He didn't actually die, but it was in a sense the best of both worlds!

Isn't he smart!

_Reviewer Replies:_

_I Only Wanna Be With You_

**Lyphe**: Ooooh! You changed your username back! That's awesome! (nods) Yuppers, you inspired me for this one! (hugs) I can't wait till I get my muse, and I'll start on our story!!!!!!!!!!!

**Aliasfan**: Aw, I'm happy you enjoyed this! Thank you for reading my stuff, that's really nice of you :D

**HisLight**: Well, I'm glad to stick that song into your head! Lol! I'm happy you enjoyed it, I know, I feel so old myself! I'm legally an adult now! An adult! Ahhh!

**Lvkishugs**: Aww, I would love to do a story with you! I'm going into Uni this Fall, so I'm not entirely sure how much I could update, and how often, but that's so awesome of you to ask! Oh, and I'm glad you liked the fic, I couldn't tell by all the upper-case letters lol!

**Daggerly**: Nah, you haven't updated it in a while, but that's okay! I'm sure the story will be great when it's updated, I'm a patient person, and when author's update irregularly, I always find it a nice surprise when they update their fics :D

**Nicole**: Aww, I'm happy you enjoyed it. Unfortunately, this is only a _one-shot_ so it won't progress any further than this I'm afraid.

**Stickz**: Yay! Katie-chan! I can't wait until our multi-party, if you're lucky, I might give you a bishounen other than Miroku (winks). Lol!

_I'm Alone in the Darkness_

**Riku****-of-Darkness**: You have no idea how refreshing it is to have some constructive criticism =D I agree with you completely. That poem, it has no emotion, it's pretty boring, I'm happy you pointed that out!

_As always, thank you to my make-shift BETA Brody for proofing this_ =D

Another thankyou:

Thank you all for your kind comments regarding: In The Darkness We Meet! I'm so glad you all liked it! Even though it was _soooooooo_ long! (The chapter that is). Did I tie up all of the loose ends you might have still been confused about?


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